Max reviews: Car Radios
We are all familiar with the car radio, but it wasn't until I became a mother of teenagers that I really GOT it. As a driver, can't be fiddling with ipods or zunes or the off brand mp3 player I bought on woot because I'm cheap AND a nerd. And as a music snob, I'm often distraught at the choices passengers attempt to make in my vehicle. The solution to both of these problems is, as our good friends in devo say, freedom from choice.
But the car radio is even better than that. It allows me to make presets! And why is this a practical miracle to the driving mother? Because it allows even the most grating of complaints to be judiciously mediated with ham-fisted clubbing. Give every passenger a glowing digit on the console which will occasionally make noises and were all happy.
But before I get too sloppy on the simplest piece of electronics I use in my day, there is a problem: radio stations. It astounded me how crappy they are after some 70 years of operation. And it isn't just the fact that I hear Soft Cel's classic hit "where did our love go" 9 times a day, or all of the long versions of Freebird and Paint it Black, sometimes in the same commercial free block. It's everything else. How can it be that in a world of top notch, unemployed designers and musicians that radio ads are SO AWFUL. Every time I hear an ad for kars for kids I lose a little humanity. Unforgivable.
But it isn't just misappropriated marketing dollars that gets me. No, its the station announcements with their pretend ditties ending in FM and weird noises and presumably fake, or at least forcibly coerced celebrity cameos. It somehow links all 12 stations I get. Its on all 4 classic rock stations, both pop stations, country, independent, soft rock, alternative, and what I believe is hip hop...and of course kiss. Is there not a single bold rebel out there in a small room filled with unused but legally compulsory CDs who can just scream the name of the station? Will no hero bring in all his pots and pans to do his own sound effects? Where is the showmanship people?!
And while I'm on it, why aren't there any pirate radio stations anymore? Were there ever? It just sounds rad.
Final grade: C+
Summary: I'm just saying, for like 5 bucks a month I could get xm and listen to nothing but jimmy buffett. And don't give me any of this HD radio nonsense you all know thats just silly. Everybody has a radio and a mom. Get on your game guys.
Max all cool
Max Reviews: the boss's shortcut from the MGH t-stop to north station
Take a right out of the station, following the Charles. Turn right on blossom street. Go straight until you get lost in some park earthen hospital. Wander erratically continuing in the direction of the garden. Arrive.
The Boss claimed that his shortcut had a mere 2 turns, and while we did arrive quickly and with a minimum of large-street crossing, I still claim for no reason that this route is too hard.
Problem one is clearly that this route entirely avoids Anna's taqueria. Problem two is that the grounds of mass general hospital are poorly routed on Google maps, making the superphone with which I am writing this review largely useless for finding my way when I become inexplicably lost. Problem three is that on this route I am usually, inexplicably, lost.
In spite of my complaints, I will probably follow this route from now on, as Anna's is only a block off it, and the Boss is usually right about this kind of thing. So, in summary, if you want to avoid the green line and get to north station from the red line, follow the time ghost the boss has set along this route. Mario Kart.
Final grade: -A
Max all cool
-Max
Max Reviews: 8:00 AM
I literally just sent in the other review. This is why I like my new sign-out, because i didn't actually say I went anywhere, just that I remain maxin'. I just made it up so let me know. Keep in mind that at any given moment I am almost certainly maxing.
However, as a currently unemployed 20-something (i need to replace unemployed with a better adjective for my current age-group. any thoughts on that while you are thinking about me maxing?) anytime I experience 8:00 AM i am probably not maxing. [Pretentious Sentence Ommitted. Translation: Today, I was awake at 8:00 AM and as previously mentioned was not maxing]
I have always been a fan of the light in the morning, however. It should probably be a little disheartening that I like it because I see it infrequently enough that the light striking buildings at an unexpected angle is entertaining to me, but hey, I'm a simple dude. I also like breakfast and coffee. [Expect a review of Dunkin Donuts coffee next time I am feeling literate enough to express my love] So why am I not maxing at 8:00 AM? The answer is critical to understanding why I conclude that 8 AM can shove it. Check it after what would be "The Break" (as you Internet people call it), were I proactive enough to be ad-supported.
I just left to make lunch and walk the dog. 8:00 AM is no fun because during that period of time, human beings are incapable of thought. I am reasonably certain, though as a result of my last statement am incapable of effectively testing, that morning people are simply more effective automatons than everyone. Anyone designing super-soldiers should take a note from the sleepy: at 8:00 AM i am immune to pain, oblivious to otherwise startling stimulae, and very easily angered. Sort of like what I hear smoking PCP is like. Actually 8:00 AM isn't a bad street name, "hey maaaaaan, can i get a little of that 8-AM off you?". Thats good because not only does the name tell you how your going to feel doing it, but also strategically informs you that smoking PCP is not something one aught to do intentionally - much like being awake at 8:00 AM.
I imagine I am going to see much more of 8:00 AM as i am welcomed to the working week, but I don't have to enjoy it. Rockstars can party until 7, but around 8 their wonton hedonism catches up to them. It is a terrible hour existing between pleasant sleep and productive employment. Even breakfast, the most bacon-filled meal available, seems like a consolation prize when it is forced into 8:00 AM. I am just fine without this hour, the elderly can keep it.
Final grade: D+ [Oops, forgot to give my first review a final grade. Internet editing is for suckers and webmasters. It's dead to me!]
max all cool,
-Max
Max Reviews: This Blog
For quite some time I, Maxwell P. Rafferty, have been trying to keep an interesting and engaging blog for myself. Unfortunately, this effort has largely been stifled in equal parts by long periods of neglect and tiny bursts of taking things way too seriously, which is not a problem I have outside of the Internet. So, having probably already written something similar in the early posts of this blog or some other, this will just be a general one for whatever interests me.
However, starting now, this will also be peppered with reviews of whatever I happen to be using or experiencing at the moment the urge to produce strikes me. I am prone to themes, and this one seems fairly innocuous, for better or worse.
So to the review: As of now, this blog is really pretty boring, though there are some funny pics around somewhere. My sad attempt at a liveblog of my own graduation was amusing at the time, though i do wish it would have all been combined into a single post for neatness and convenience of posting images. I need to figure out tagging better.
Writing this was also boring for me, though i have been trying to not say anything pretentious or offensive in the first review, though believe you-me, the urge to write about "the flawed narrator" or "farts" has struck me several times. Also I like Blink 182.
max all cool (get it!?!),
-Max